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The McMansion Hell Yearbook: 1980

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(back of a quirky literary novel voice): Sometimes, things are not what they seem. An architecture critic disappears for three months to follow bike racing around Europe, rife with questions of becoming and desire. A real estate agent uploads a listing to an aggregator, knowing that it will be a difficult sell but thinking not much of it, for, like Tolstoy’s unhappy families, all houses are difficult to sell in their own way. A house is built in 1980 in Staten Island and would have thrived as an anonymous bastion of tastelessness had the internet not been invented. But the internet had been invented. All of these things are brought together here, through truly unlikely circumstances.

Let’s not bother with the formalities this time.

None of you will buy this house.

Sitting Room

Does anything here make sense? The periwinkle sofa, the twinkling of bronze glass, a truly transitional material, a mall exiting stagflation and entering the sultry trap of Reaganite libertarianism that would leave it empty twenty-five years later. The sense that one is always changing levels, trapped in a landing of some sort, never quite arrived on stable footing. But that’s just the style, one assumes. One foot in the seventies, with all their strife, one foot in the beginning of what felt like the end of history. One’s ass on the iridescent pleather sofa, waiting for the centuries to change.

Sitting Room II

My suspicion is that there are no pictures of the mirrored mystery foyer because the photographer’s identity would be henceforth revealed, and the point of all real estate photography is for the viewer to imagine themselves as the only person in a given space.

Dining Room

The shinier things are, the richer one is, obviously.

Kitchen

This serious sociological research also happens to coincide with the Giro d'Italia, one hopes.

Landing

(crediting @cocainedecor on twitter for their term. but also, where can i get some chevron mirrors, asking for a friend.)

Master Bedroom

just asking questions

Bedroom 2

Ostensibly bad opinion that I will nevertheless defend: the corner bed slaps, let’s bring it back.

Basement

(Staten Island accent): Hey, I’m workshoppin’ some metaphors here!

Alright, we’ve entertained this monstrosity enough - time to wrap things up.

Rear Exterior

You know, McMansion Hell has been around for five years now, and has coined many terms - an art, ahoy matey, lawyer foyer, brass n’ glass, pringles can of shame - but I have to say, I hope fireplace nipples also sticks.

Anyway, that’s all for 1980 - join us next month for 1981.

If you like McMansion Hell, support it on Patreon!

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HarlandCorbin
19 hours ago
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I understand going after the house and the way it's painted/panelled/wallpapered. I do not understand going after the furnishings. When I bought my house, there were only a few pieces of furniture that came with it, most of them are built in. They tried to charge us more for window treatments, we said no. They tried to charge us more for their ancient washer/dryer, we said no.

And three cheers for a lawn that isn't useless grass! Yay!
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Justice Amy Coney Barrett says Supreme Court is 'not a bunch of partisan hacks'

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Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett on Sunday rejected claims that decisions by the high court are driven by political views at a speech at the University of Louisville's McConnell Center.




















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HarlandCorbin
4 days ago
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...says the partisan political hack.
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Chess Should Not Be “Sticky”

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I do audio for video games. One of my first clients was doing a medieval-themed chess game. The following conversation happened:

Me: So, do you have any reference on how the music should sound?

Client: I want something epic with strong melodies, like the old Sonics or Mario. Something that’ll stick in your head.

Me: Hmm I think we should go with something more light. Chess games are games where you think a lot and you don’t want intense music that burns your head out.

Client: I get your point, but I really want melodies that’ll stick with you.

Me: I Highly recommend against that. Players will turn off the music.

Client: Sticky. Music.

The post Chess Should Not Be “Sticky” appeared first on Clients From Hell.

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HarlandCorbin
18 days ago
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Games where the sounds are not necessary get muted.
HarlandCorbin
16 days ago
Same goes for videos!
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Man arrested after violent outburst at McDonald's in Richmond

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McDonald

A man has been arrested following a violent outburst inside a Richmond, B.C., McDonald's that was caught on camera, marking the second time this year that video has surfaced showing staff at the restaurant being verbally abused.

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HarlandCorbin
50 days ago
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Idiots aren't limited to the US, but here in 'Murica gunplay might (probably would) have been involved.
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6 Months Work in 1 Month

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I’m the technical consultant for a small company that produces data systems for large corporations. We’re currently mid-way through developing the next generation of our product and our company owner is looking to make a sale.

Client: Here are the requirements from this client and what they need. It has to be complete and ready to go end of May 2021 (1 month from now).

Me: I’ve reviewed what the customer needs. Based on their requirements, we’d be looking at Late 2021 to complete. As per the project plan, we’re still 6 months from completion. Plus any time needed for this client’s bespoke features.

Client: Unacceptable. We can’t be late. The customer needs it end of May.

Me: Perhaps there’s a compromise. Could we launch with a subset of features to meet their deadline, and release the remaining features as they are completed? 

Client: (with zero technical knowledge) I can’t believe you’re going to be late on something that should be easy.

Me: If you want everything they’ve asked for, it’s 6 months’ work. Otherwise, we have to compromise. I can’t be “late” when I haven’t agreed to the timescale.

Client: Well, if we don’t meet the deadline, you’re responsible. Because of you, I might need to lay people off to cover the cost of those extra months.

The fact you sold our unfinished product and agreed to an impossible timescale without consulting me is not my problem.

The post 6 Months Work in 1 Month appeared first on Clients From Hell.

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HarlandCorbin
98 days ago
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First one canned should be whoever sold a 6-month project due in 1 month.
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Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Disinformation

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Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
If only we could merge relativistic bullshit with quantum bullshit.


Today's News:
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HarlandCorbin
113 days ago
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I know a couple of places to drop some relativistic BS. Or at least physical BS moving at relativistic speeds.
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1 public comment
hannahdraper
113 days ago
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Ouch.
Washington, DC
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